Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Battle Journal

DeMar ascended the gun to eye level of Tidus, "What you gonna, do? Huh punk, come on!" I could feel the increasing pressure of the gun being jarred into my cheeks. "Come on, Tidus, say something!" DeMar was now parallel with the gun and in my dreary eyes. 
"Listen DeMar, I don't want trouble, and you don't want trouble, so please, I'm asking you to put the gun away and get off of me, alright?" I squirmed as I continued to fight the pressure of the gun on my cheek. 
"Haha, give me one reason I should let you go, nobody wants your punk ass here!" 
"Great, I'll leave, alright, now get off of me!" I shoved DeMar's hand off my cheek and the gun slipped to the ground. The fury in DeMar's eyes grew as we lunged to the floor in a scuffle for the gun. The hallway was empty as we scrambled for the gun, throwing ourselves on top of one another. DeMar reached for the gun as I clinched his opposite arm to pull him away. He got his fingers on the tip of the gun and pulled it in, "Haha, I got you now bitch!" DeMar flipped over and pointed the gun at me, "Tidus look out!" In the flash of an eye I saw Brody, my only companion, tackle DeMar just as he pulled the trigger. I dove to the floor as the bullet pelted the lockers behind me. 

1 comment:

  1. This is looking like a good rewrite, Elliot. I would also push the sensory discomfort here. What must it feel like to have a gun thrust up into your face, to feel cold metal on bone and skin? Does he imagine dying in this moment?

    ReplyDelete