"Listen DeMar, I don't want trouble, and you don't want trouble, so please, I'm asking you to put the gun away and get off of me, alright?" I squirmed as I continued to fight the pressure of the gun on my cheek.
"Haha, give me one reason I should let you go, nobody wants your punk ass here!"
"Great, I'll leave, alright, now get off of me!" I shoved DeMar's hand off my cheek and the gun slipped to the ground. The fury in DeMar's eyes grew as we lunged to the floor in a scuffle for the gun. The hallway was empty as we scrambled for the gun, throwing ourselves on top of one another. DeMar reached for the gun as I clinched his opposite arm to pull him away. He got his fingers on the tip of the gun and pulled it in, "Haha, I got you now bitch!" DeMar flipped over and pointed the gun at me, "Tidus look out!" In the flash of an eye I saw Brody, my only companion, tackle DeMar just as he pulled the trigger. I dove to the floor as the bullet pelted the lockers behind me.
This is looking like a good rewrite, Elliot. I would also push the sensory discomfort here. What must it feel like to have a gun thrust up into your face, to feel cold metal on bone and skin? Does he imagine dying in this moment?
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